- Nathaniel G. Sands
What is Love?
I love many things: Music, coffee, pizza, sunshine, friends, family, dogs… It seems off, and quite ridiculous, that I can lump all these things into one category. What seems even stranger to me is how we tend to connote more often the arbitrary things in our life with the designation of love, than we do the people that truly deserve it.
From Jean-Luc Marion's The Erotic Phenomenon: "Not only do we no longer have a concept of love, but we do not even have a word to say it. 'Love'? It resonates as the most prostituted word there is."
If so, how can we attempt to use such a word as Love? Where does this prostitution come from?
I have a new friend in my life who has quickly become close. Moving here from Toronto with his family, Nathan (yes, we have the same name), is working on his doctorate in philosophy. He also happens to manage the townhouse complex I grew up in! And his daughter, Charlotte, has become a good friend of Leah's! We meet and chat multiple times a week, talking about the struggles of our lives, the moments to celebrate, but more-so discuss big and illusive ideas, such as love, and how we are to properly espouse it.
The problem with philosophy (translated from the Greek as "the love of wisdom") is, as Marion writes, "Indeed, sometimes one would almost believe that philosophy hates love. Philosophy does not love love, which reminds her of her origin and dignity, her powerlessness and their divorce. She therefore silently ignores it, when she does not hate it outright."
Nathan and I often argue and see many things in different ways. But I believe that is why our friendship took off the way it did and continues to grow. We value each others unique perspectives of life and love. We are being true to ourselves and our guiding principles, and seeking to reconcile our differences, even as they remain different. Choosing to love another is not about a perfect union, but uniting in spite of our imperfections.
To Nathan's credit, he attempt's ferociously to live out his principles. And as a philosopher, he looks necessarily to explore the important phenomenon of Love, which philosophy has too often ignored. He is just stepping into the academic arena, and I look forward to reading his work!
From my notebook:
What is love?
Inspiration.
Energy.
Selfless.
Humility.
Connection.
Attachment. (Jealousy)
Loss.
I think were far quicker to say we love beer, or food, or those shoes, because it requires nothing of us. It is simply self-interested desire. Whereas, true love requires something of ourselves - a sort of giving away of our souls. This must be the true meaning, as love is not consumption but reciprocation. A bond no doubt! This is where love gets messy, and hard to admit and express, especially as for many of us it is instantly associated with pain. Often, the more we love someone, the more hurt is brought on by the inevitable loss of it. I think it's safe to say we don't realize how much we love someone until they are gone.
I've spent a lot of time contemplating the phenomenon of Love. I'm fascinated by the fact we live in a world surrounded by profound miracles, such as life and love, yet focus continually on the material, like position and possession.
Every Wednesday, Jonathan, James and I have band practice. It's quite the coincidence that the three of us happened to grow up in the same complex Nathan manages, the Dewdney Villa's (or so it was called). We have a mutual love (if I'm safe to call it that) for music, and each of us brings a unique aspect of sound into the equation - from our instruments, our voices, and our perspectives. Currently we have six complete original songs, and four more in the works. Here is a song I wrote the other day - Inspired by love, my friends and my wonderful girlfriend:
Chord progression: Am Am G F Em
I've played and I've won
I've played and I've lost
The more games I play
The harder my heart
I throw down this 20
To the dirt on the floor
Hoping it'll grow
to a shoot I can sow
Pain, oh Pain
He deals out the cards
I'm looking to land me
An ace and a heart
The boys all sit down
with that look in their eyes
Wolves in sheep clothing
They're tryin to hide
cuz we work and we work
But we ain't got a dime
And all we can give is our hearts and our time
Pain, oh Pain
He deals out the cards
I'm looking to land me
an ace and a heart
This world arbitrary
It tears us apart
The more that I love you
The deeper the scar
My friends and my brothers
Sheep in wolf clothes
I see through their lies
in their eyes and their souls
We scream and we shout
We smile and we laugh
But deep down our hearts
Are broken in half
Pain, oh Pain
He deals out the cards
I'm looking to land me
An ace and a heart
This world arbitrary
It tears us apart
The more that I love you
The deeper the scar
I ain't got no money
I ain't gunna win
But I need you tonight
to save me from sin
I've gambled with love
It comes at a cost
The more that I love you
The more to be lost
I chose the name of this website, www.generationofbrokenhhearts.com, for a reason. As a man who has been heartbroken before, it is hard to accept the necessary role of sacrifice that is needed in developing a healthy relationship. For the next few blogs I am going to set out to focus on this concept of Love in it's different relational forms, the sacrifice that's necessary for it to thrive, and what it means for daily life.
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